Sexual Misconduct Prevention and Affirmative Consent Programs

 The Hard Facts About Sexual Assault

  • 1.8 million teens in the US  have been victims of sexual assault.
  • 1 in 6 boys and 1 in 4 girls are sexually abused before the age of 18.
  • 1 in 5 female high school students report being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.
  • Teens ages 16-19 are 3 ½ times more likely than the general population to become victims of rape, attempted rape, and sexual assault.

It’s Time to Create a Culture of Consent. We can help.

Why Bring Anea Bogue’s presentations to your school?

With the much-needed swell of awareness and intolerance of sexual harassment, sexual coercion and sexual assault, now is the time to create a healthy culture of consent in schools and communities all over the country.

Anea’s revolutionary Sexual Misconduct Prevention Presentations support schools  in creating a Culture of Consent and guides students to create healthy relationships in all forms.

A highly sought-after public speaker, Anea has already delivered inspiring and relevant presentations to hundreds of concerned parents and teachers and engaged students. Anea’s progressive, research-based sexual misconduct prevention presentations and workshops address the root causes and provide practical, action-oriented solutions students, teachers and parents can apply immediately to create meaningful change. With our team, Anea consults with administrators, staff, and students to customize a program that addresses the specific needs of your campus.

“Anea is an excellent presenter who truly understands the world of young people. Her humor, wisdom, and authenticity resonate with students, and the nature of her interactive lectures allows students to move beyond the discomfort and into greater awareness. Anea has a knack for teaching young people how to make potentially awkward situations comfortable and respectful, and her workshops have initiated a culture of consent on our campus.” – William Blair, Assistant Principal, Mountain View High School

GET STARTED TODAY! Speak with REALyou Team Member to get started

How Our Programs Can Support Your Entire School Community

At REALyou we work hard to provide the most up-to-date, accurate and relevant information possible, and always deliver it in ways that meet the unique needs of anyone who works with us. If you are interested in bringing REALyou to your school, our support will be created and customized to fit the exact unique needs of your school community. We will work alongside your administration, staff, parents and students to collect all the data necessary to ensure the REALyou Programs you are provided worth will help you reach your goals.

Some of the ways in which REALyou can support your school include, but are not limited to:

  • 60-90 minute interactive presentations led by Anea Bogue for groups of 30-300+ (Specialized content provided for students, parents and educators.)
  • Workshops for middle and high school students, teachers and parents
  • In-person support from Anea and her team to address your school’s specific needs
  • Curriculum for staff to implement on-campus workshops as well as incorporate into existing health and sexual health education programs:
    • Action steps for students to implement affirmative consent on campus immediately in order to prevent sexual misconduct.
    • Action steps for teachers to support students in creating a culture of consent.
    • Curriculum teachers can implement in the classroom to make their sexual health education more comprehensive and relevant.
    • Tools and tips for parents to support them having healthy conversations with their children about preventing sexual misconduct
  • Training for your ‘Student Leadership Groups’ to provide them with the tools and knowledge necessary to create the path of change for their entire student body
  • Tools and tips for parents to support them having healthy conversations with their children about preventing sexual misconduct

“Our school district experienced a crisis regarding sexual assault, after which a committee was formed to address next steps. I am a member of this committee, which is comprised of parents, students, faculty, and administrators. We engaged in a national search to find an expert who could guide our district in how to create a culture of consent and prevent further occurrences of sexual harassment and sexual assault on our school campuses. After our extensive search, we chose Anea, who has been an excellent partner in this important work. She is an extraordinary subject matter expert whose professionalism, calm, empathy, and humanity were noted throughout our work with her. Anea’s expertise encompassed her deep listening skills as she met with the community beforehand in order to create a presentation that addressed our specific needs. Her presentations were powerful, increased awareness, educated parents, faculty, and students, and provided practical steps to empower students. She has been committed to the entire process of our healing, including follow-up after the presentation, in order to help us to absorb the information as deeply as possible – to get it into our bones. I have been extremely impressed with Anea and I offer my endorsement of her work as a father, a member of a school district, and as a man committed to the eradication of sexual misconduct in all forms.” – John Fitton, Parent

Video Clips Of Anea’s Sexual Misconduct Prevention Presentations

Questions About Consent

“The Set Up”

“The Gender Box”

Students can expect to:

  • Define healthy relationships as consensual, mutually pleasurable, safe, communicative and rooted in respect.
  • Develop the knowledge, language, and tools needed to create and maintain healthy non-romantic, romantic, and/or sexual relationships.
  • Learn how to set and receive personal boundaries.
  • Create action steps to become change-makers in their communities.
  • Understand adolescence & ‘raging hormones’: What’s going on emotionally and physically (including the development of sexual attraction and curiosity) & the responsibility that comes with engaging in a sexual context (It is totally natural and healthy to feel sexually charged but this comes with responsibility)
  • Examine multiple real-life examples in order to comprehend how prevalent sexual misconduct is, and the long-term consequences for both the victim and the perpetrator.
  • Defining Sexual Misconduct (which includes Sexual Harassment, Sexual Coercion, and Sexual Assault)
  • Looking at Root Causes and Ending Sexual Misconduct
    • Personal Agency Over Ourselves & Our Bodies (Bodily Autonomy)
    • Personal Agency & Gender Roles As Modeled in the Media and Society
    • The Man Box, The Woman Box, The Human Box
    • Introduce Language of Consent in Non-Sexual Scenarios
    • Affirmative Consent: what it looks like, feels like & sounds like in a sexual context
    • Creating a Culture of Consent in Our Community: How can we encourage each other and keep each other accountable?
  • Learn Sexual Decision Making: the emotional, psychological, and spiritual impact of engaging in sexual activities, understanding what I am and am not ready to engage in, and how to express interest or desire in a healthy and safe way.
  • Gain tools to be an upstanding bystander and stop sexual misconduct before it begins.

Educators and Parents can expect to:

  • Learn how gender role programming is limiting our children’s sexual well-being.
  • Become a “safe” adult – a trusted adult for kids to approach with sex-related questions and concerns.
  • Understand adolescence & ‘raging hormones’: What’s going on emotionally and physically with our children (including the development of sexual attraction and curiosity) & teaching them about the responsibility that comes with engaging in a sexual context (It is totally natural and healthy to feel sexually charged but this comes with responsibility)
  • Examine multiple real-life examples in order to comprehend how prevalent sexual misconduct is, and the long-term consequences for both the victim and the perpetrator.
  • Learn how to talk to your kids about safe and healthy choices in a sexual context.
  • Acquire tools to support victims of sexual misconduct.
  • Become a role model for healthy boundary setting and receiving.

Contact us now for a program summary or free consultation!
info@REALyouPrograms.com

“This is such a critical topic to bring out into the open and a missing piece in most curricula. Anea does a fantastic job of exploring the issue and more importantly, providing solutions for young adults and parents.” – Amanda Oakson and Randy Salim

Frequently Asked Questions:

Questions about Anea’s speaking presentations and bringing REALyou to your school:
How far will you travel?
Anea is able to travel almost anywhere and travel, accommodations, and per diem will be included with her speaking fee.
How long are your presentations?
The standard presentation is 90 minutes, which includes Q&A at the end. Please inquire about longer presentations.
What size does the audience need to be?
Anea has presented to various sized groups ranging from 30 to 200.
Questions about teaching and understanding ‘Affirmative Consent’ & Sexual Misconduct
What is Affirmative Consent?

Affirmative Consent is an affirmative, unambiguous, enthusiastic, and conscious decision by each participant to engage in mutually agreed-upon sexual activity. Consent has to be ‘ongoing’ throughout any sexual encounter.

 

To remember the most important qualities of affirmative consent (or to teach it to students of any age), just remember FRIES:

This Planned Parenthood Resource defines the Acronym as such:

  • Freely given. Doing something sexual with someone is a decision that should be made without pressure, force, manipulation, or while drunk or high.
  • Reversible. Anyone can change their mind about what they want to do, at any time. Even if you’ve done it before or are in the middle of having sex.
  • Informed. Be honest. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, that’s not consent.
  • Enthusiastic. If someone isn’t excited, or really into it, that’s not consent.
  • Specific. Saying yes to one thing (like going to the bedroom to make out) doesn’t mean they’ve said yes to others (like oral sex).

Learn more here.

How do I teach consent in my classroom?
 The first and most powerful lesson in consent is through modeling and holding others accountable. Always ask before you touch someone (offering them a hug, a high-five, putting a hand on their shoulder). If you see students touching each other, ask if consent was asked for and enthusiastically given. When engaging with curriculum, point out examples of where consent was or was not give and open a dialogue about what the consequences were and if/how it could have happened differently.

 

To remember the most important qualities of affirmative consent (or to teach it to students of any age), just remember FRIES:

This Planned Parenthood Resource defines the Acronym as such:

  • Freely given. Doing something sexual with someone is a decision that should be made without pressure, force, manipulation, or while drunk or high.
  • Reversible. Anyone can change their mind about what they want to do, at any time. Even if you’ve done it before or are in the middle of having sex.
  • Informed. Be honest. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, that’s not consent.
  • Enthusiastic. If someone isn’t excited, or really into it, that’s not consent.
  • Specific. Saying yes to one thing (like going to the bedroom to make out) doesn’t mean they’ve said yes to others (like oral sex).

Learn more here.

How do I ensure that my students feel safe in my classroom?
Enforce a strict code of respect, model respectful communication, be a good listener, teach bodily autonomy and create a classroom of consent.
What is the difference between sexual harassment, sexual coercion, and sexual assault?
  • Sexual harassment is unwelcome conduct of a sexual nature, which can be verbal, nonverbal, or physical. Examples include, but are not limited to: unwanted sexual looks or gestures, unwanted pressure for dates, whistling at someone, or catcalls.
  • Sexual coercion is the act of using pressure, persistent attempts to have sexual contact with someone who has already refused, using alcohol/drugs, or force to have sexual contact with someone against their will. Examples include, but are not limited to: efforts to convince you that you ‘owe’ them because you’re in a relationship or they bought you something, a negative reaction if you say no, continued pressure to engage in a sexual activity after you have said no.
  • Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact forced upon someone who has not given their consent or with someone who cannot consent, such as someone who is underage, has an intellectual disability, is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or is passed out. Examples include, but are not limited to: attempted rape; someone touching, fondling, kissing, or making any contact with your body (touching above or under clothes) without explicit consent; someone forcing you to perform oral sex or forcing you to receive oral sex.
How often are sexual assault accusations false?
  • According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, false reporting for sexual assault is between 2% and 10%. However, the majority of victims never report.
What should I do as a parent if my child tells me they were sexually assaulted?
  • It is imperative that when your child discloses to you, you continue to repeat the following messages through both your words and your actions:
    • I love you.
    • What happened is not your fault.
    • I will do everything I can to keep you safe.

It is also really important that you seek professional support to guide you in navigating your own big emotions around the reality of your child being assaulted while also supporting your child navigate their trauma. RAINN has excellent guiding tips for parents of children who have been sexually assaulted.

What do I do if I'm a victim of sexual misconduct?
What do I do if someone discloses to me that they are a victim of sexual misconduct?

  • Listen attentively and say the following:

    • I believe you.
    • It’s not your fault.
    • I’m here to support you
  • Be compassionate and do not judge the survivor or make excuses for why it might have happened.
  • Check with your administration regarding reporting protocol at your school. For most school personnel, if you know a student has been a victim of sexual misconduct, you are are required to report.
What do I do if I witness an occurrence of sexual misconduct among the students?
  • If it is safe for you to intervene, do so without attacking the perpetrator. You can create a distraction or find an excuse to interrupt. If you cannot check on the victim in that moment with privacy and confidentiality, make sure you do so as soon as possible.
  •  Check with your administration regarding reporting protocol at your school. What you witness might need to be immediately reported.
How can a parent tell if their child has been a victim of sexual misconduct?
  • Trauma from experiencing sexual misconduct can present in a variety of ways and differs among individuals. Some indications include:
    • Chronic pain that is not clearly related to a physical injury
    • Migraines and other frequent headaches
    • Anxiety/nervousness
    • Shame or guilt
    • Distrust of others
    • Symptoms of PTSD: emotional detachment, sleep disturbances
    • Depression
    • Generalized anxiety
    • Attempted suicide
    • Low self-esteem/self-blame
    • Engaging in high-risk sexual behavior
    • Using harmful substances
    • Unhealthy diet-related behaviors
How can I help someone who has been sexually assaulted?
  • Immediately say to the victim the following: “I believe you. It’s not your fault. I’m here to support you. Let’s get some help.”
  • Every individual will find different things comforting or helpful so it’s important to listen to the individual and respect their needs and requests.
Questions about the Importance of teaching Comprehensive Sexual Health Education and becoming an ‘Askable Adult’
What is Comprehensive Sexual Health Education?

Comprehensive Sexuality Education (CSE) is defined as “sex education programs that, in school-based settings, start by kindergarten and continue through 12th grade. High-quality CSE programs include age, developmentally, and culturally appropriate, science-based, and medically accurate information on a broad set of topics related to sexuality, including human development, relationships, personal skills, sexual behaviors, including abstinence, sexual health, and society and culture. CSE programs provide students with opportunities for learning information, exploring their attitudes and values, and developing skills.”

 

Source: SIECUS 

Will a comprehensive sexual health education encourage my child to have sex?

No, comprehensive sexual health education will not encourage your child to have sex. Comprehensive sexual health education has been shown to reduce rates of teen pregnancy and risk behaviors and increase the overall sexual health and well-being of youth. In fact, research consistently shows that denying children comprehensive sexual health education OR PROVIDING AN ‘ABSTINENCE ONLY’ APPROACH, negatively impacts young people’s sexual health. Overwhelmingly, it is the lack of education that leads to UNSAFE SEX, INCLUDING sexual misconduct, since adolescents find themselves exploring and experimenting without guidelines, and without safe or accurate information.

 

Learn more by visiting these sources:

What is an “Askable Adult”?

  • An ‘Askable Adult’ is someone who is approachable, non-judgmental, and able to be respectful of a young person’s curiosity and confidentiality.

    The ‘Askable Adult’ is also well-informed with fact-based information and is willing to search for answers they don’t already know. (It’s ALWAYS okay to say, “That’s a great question. I’m going to get back to you on that one so I can give you an accurate answer.”)

    The ‘Askable Adult’ is aware of the way they are communicating both verbally and non-verbally (body language, tone, energy) because kids read and are significantly affected by both.

How do I become an “Askable Adult”?

Steps and Characteristics of “Askable Adults”:

  • Listen with genuine curiosity and compassion.
  • Always be aware of how you are communicating both verbally and non-verbally.
  • Never, ever shame the student for their thoughts, feelings, desires, or curiosities. If you do, they will almost certainly stop viewing you as an ‘Askable Adult’ and will go elsewhere to get their questions answered.
  • Remember that it’s always okay to take a beat, so to speak. You can say, “That’s a great question! I’m going to need to get back to you on that one so I can give you an accurate answer.” (This response can also be used if you feel a freak-out coming on and you need a breather to pull yourself together, talk it through with your colleague, a friend, or a professional).
Resources For Schools & Educators
Online Resources & Websites for Educators, Parents and Students

Los Altos High School

If you are a student, faculty, or parent from Los Altos High School click here to download all of your resource pages from you customized presentation and workshop on Building Healthy Relationships & Creating a Culture of Consent.

Palo Alto High School or Henry M. Gunn High School

If you are a student, faculty, or parent from Palo Alto High School or Henry M. Gunn High School click here to download all of your resource pages from your customized presentation on Building Healthy Relationships & a Culture of Consent.